


Ready

by anemptymargin



Category: Big Eden (2000)
Genre: Awkwardness, First Time, Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-19
Updated: 2012-12-19
Packaged: 2017-11-21 13:27:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/598273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anemptymargin/pseuds/anemptymargin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They didn't need to rush; there was nothing to prove – no promises or needs beyond knowing that someone else was there.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ready

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Giddygeek](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Giddygeek/gifts).



> For Yuletide 2012, my first time playing in this fandom though I’ve wanted to for a long time.

Like molasses off a cold spoon, they moved through spring and into summer – flannel gave way to swimsuits by the lake and brown sun-kissed skin that was slowly covered up come fall, not to be seen again save for the furtive peeks as Pike bent and twisted, working around the store. Henry didn’t mind, of course, not even when layers of cotton and denim began to make their appearance to signify winter was on the way, well before snow crept in one night and decided to stay for the season. They had each other, and they had the town behind them with voices asking ‘ _when_ ’ and ‘ _if_ ’ and ‘ _well, why don’t they just do it, already???_ ’ in whispers meant to be heard.

 

They were curious, and Henry understood as much. He even understood Mary-Margaret’s insistence that if they didn’t do _something_ soon, he’d be considered the weird artist who gave up everything he had in New York to be almost-lovers with an Indian in Montana - _“You’re being that guy, Henry… stop being that guy so we have something to talk about.” -_  And he was all right with that.

 

Because that’s where they were at that time. They didn’t need to rush; there was nothing to prove – no promises or needs beyond knowing that someone else was there. Someone who cared. Someone who’d come over at five in the morning to make you breakfast and put you in bed before going to work because you were up all night painting a picture of leaves in a fountain. Someone who brought you leftovers for lunch and made you watch movies about gay cowboys who can’t talk about how much they love each other because silently you need it.

 

Someone that brushes snow out of your hair and tells you that snowflakes are your secret wishes and dreams. Someone who holds you just a little longer for just one more kiss before they get in the truck to go back home for the night.

 

Someone that asks you to stay without implying you should or that he’s hurt when you say “I can’t, Henry… I’m… I’m not ready yet.”

 

***

 

It was half after eleven when Pike finally shifted away from Henry on the couch, guiding the smaller man’s shoulders over so he could get up without making him move when he knew Henry would only follow him outside in his slippers. “I should get going,” he said softly, “I’ve got to go up to Lakeside before I open tomorrow.”

 

Henry smiled and nodded before adding; “If there’s something you need to pick up, I’d be more than willing to go… I’ve been meaning to get up there and talk to the principal at the elementary school about a mural Grace said they were looking for someone to do in their cafeteria.”

 

“No.” Pike replied quickly, shrugging on his heavy coat – visibly forcing back his own discomfort; “No, I have to see some … people that are there.”

 

“Oh?” Henry raised an easy eyebrow, shouldering on his faded cardigan to walk Pike out to his truck. “I could ride with you? I mean, it might give us a little more time together and I don’t mind letting you drive.”

 

Pike was quiet as he fished the keys out of his pocket, considering his words carefully as always, and for a moment Henry was sure he wasn’t going to say anything at all. Then, he admitted; “I need to see my parents.”

 

Henry’s brow furrowed slightly, everyone knew about Pike’s parents… a couple years after Henry’s own passed – another tragedy, but his tired brain pieced it together quick enough. “The cemetery… up there…”

 

He shook his head; “The lake. They were, uh… scattered over the lake.” Shuffling his feet, Pike didn’t wait for an awkward reply before heading out the door, unsurprised when Henry followed close behind him. When he turned back for his kiss good-night, Henry crossed his arms over his chest, and then second guessing the thought reached out to take both of Pike’s hands, folding his soft fingers over Pike’s.

 

“I’ll go with you,” he said in a tender tone; “they can finally meet me…” He offered an innocent shrug and half-smile, hoping to get the same in return.

 

Instead, Pike’s face darkened and he tried to pull away only to be tugged closer. “Don’t make fun of my beliefs.”

 

Henry’s smile spread and he shook his head; “I’m not. I mean it…” he protested, “Sampa already approved of you before he… he died and your parents never got to meet the person you… hopefully… are in love with.”

 

Pike was quiet another long moment, he turned his hands and let Henry's fingers twine with his, and then asked carefully; "Do you really mean that?" It was important to be sure that it was what Henry wanted, that it wasn't just humoring him or trying to make things seem easier than they were. "You'd... you'd do that?"

 

"For you?" Henry raised an eyebrow, squeezing their joined hands tighter; "I'd do things a whole lot stranger than going to the lake to talk to dead people." He laughed under his breath; "I'm lucky I can talk to Sampa in my living room... save the drive."

 

Slowly, but surely, Pike's lips cracked into a soft smile and he bent in kiss Henry. Joined hands became a warm embrace, Henry's fingers threading through his long hair as they held each other.

 

Henry broke the quiet moment; "You should stay, Pike... the sofa pulls out and I'll sleep on it if you want the cushier bed..."

 

The soft murmur of Henry's voice against his ear tempted him every time, but always he felt the urge to run. He couldn't...

 

Can't.

 

"I..." he stammered, letting out a sigh when Henry's head dropped against his chest, ready for the inevitable refusal. Swallowing back the lump in his throat, Pike let himself take the step - if Henry was willing to follow him out to the frozen lake for no better reason than visiting spirits; he knew it would only be right to try. "I need to feed Francis..."

 

"I understand," Henry replied calmly, pressing a kiss against Pike's shirt as he looked back up with a faded smile. He was used to the excuse, he'd heard it often, and tried not to let himself feel disappointed. Things took time... good things were worth waiting for until the time was right.

 

"...And get a change of clothes... and my toothbrush."

 

Henry's eyes widened, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly, before he managed; "I... I keep an extra toothbrush in the bathroom vanity for... guests"

 

For when you decide it's okay to stay.

 

When Pike smiled hesitantly, Henry's lips followed his in a clumsy curve that wrinkled the corners of his eyes until Pike was kissing him again and all he could think about was waking up with the man he loved. He didn't have to be in his bed... just that he was there. He would be there.

 

The kiss broke and Pike let out huffed, hidden chuckle as Henry shooed him toward the waiting truck. "Go... you. Get. Do what you need to do. I'll make your bed."

 

For a moment, Pike hesitated - the barest hints of something else, something entirely different peeking in his mind before he nodded and pulled away from Henry's arms to slide through the packed snow to get back in the cold truck.

 

"You can do this," he whispered to himself, looking back over his shoulder one last time as he pulled down the drive he'd forced Henry to let him shovel that afternoon; "What are you thinking..."

 

***

 

Henry had already pulled out the sofa-bed and put on a fresh set of flannel sheets when he couldn't handle the anticipation anymore; it was worse than being a kid at Christmas... things were changing. Changing slowly, but still changing.

 

"How many blankets do you put out for a guest, one or two?" His voice came in a clipped, hurried tone when Mary-Margaret answered the phone half asleep; "Or should I wait until he asks for one?"

 

"Who needs... what? Henry?" the woman muttered, "Henry, are you seriously calling me at almost midnight to talk about blankets?"

 

"He's spending the night."

 

"Who? What?" She groaned; "Please call back after I've had my first latte..."

 

"I can't, he's coming now and staying the night at my house. It's really happening and I need your support right now."

 

"What am I, your sex life sponsor? This isn't gay AA, Henry. You don't get a special poker chip for going steady for a year."

 

"What am I supposed to do? I haven't really had a man over in... well... you know how long."

 

"So just do what you did before, it hasn't been that long... has it?"

 

Henry sighed and curled the cord around the corner to fetch a second blanket from the linen closet; "Before I would bring a guy home on the first date and then hear from him a week later when he was at a party in the Village I wasn't cool enough to get invited to. It doesn't exactly apply here."

 

"So... do whatever people like you two do. Stare lovingly into his eyes and read Jane Austen to each other - I don't care. I'm hanging up now."

 

"Don't hang up on me! This is a serious question, is this some sort of sign that I'm supposed to try and make some kind of move?"

 

"Is that what they call it now, making a move? For god's sake, Henry, grow a pair. You're a grown man playing with quilts."

 

Henry looked at the thick blanket slung over his arm and frowned; "It's not a quilt, it's an afghan."

 

"Just be yourself."

 

"That's what I'm afraid of... myself is the guy that can't stop thinking about how amazing his..."

 

"Don't care. Going to sleep before the terror of Manhattan wakes up."

 

He groaned loudly and dropped the folded blanket onto the pull-out. "Fine... fine. I'll talk to him. Maybe if I just ask..."

 

"Ask? For sex? Seriously? Like 'would you like to do it with me' ask? You're not sixteen anymore..."

 

"Well... how am I supposed to know when he's ready? I've waited this long for him to even decide he can sleep on my couch! At this rate I'll be forty the next time I sleep with someone."

 

For once, Mary-Margaret was quiet before she sighed and said; "Maybe... you know... maybe it's just not going to work out if he's not interested and you are. Have you ever thought of that?"

 

"No!" Henry shouted defensively at the phone, sitting heavily on the end of the bed. "No... no... God no. It's not that... I want more than just a fling, you know that."

 

"Well, all I'm hearing right now is you whining about sex."

 

"It's not all about sex; I just... wanted to know if I should put out an extra blanket."

 

"Well... maybe you should just tell him that if he wants the damn blankets they're right there." She sighed and Henry could almost see her lips drawn up, frustrated with him. "And by blankets I mean sex."

 

"Right. Got that."

 

"Good. I'm hanging up now. Try to get some... sleep or something."

 

"Or something," Henry sighed back, looking toward the front window when he saw headlights dart across the wall.

 

***

 

"So, uh... the kitchen is over there if you need a drink..."

 

"I know," Pike replied, looking up from the hideaway where he sat on the side in his shorts and an undershirt, looking just as anxious as Henry was obviously feeling. "I'll be fine, Henry... this isn't the first time I've been here."

 

"I know, it's just... you know, it's night time and things are different and we'll be sleeping." Henry nodded, running his hand over his scalp as he shifted his weight on slipper-clad feet. "Blankets are, uh... right around the corner. Can't miss it."

 

"I remember."

 

"And I'll be in my room; I can leave the door open in case you want to... you know, talk or something."

 

Or come ravish me.

 

"I'm sure I'll be fine." Pike returned the nod before slipping under the top sheet, leaving the blanket crumpled at his feet.

 

Henry paused and then stepped closer, leaning over the arm of the sofa to kiss him again. When he felt the hesitation, real or imagined, before Pike's arm reached up to stroke his shoulder as his tongue parted Henry's lips, Henry pushed up enough to whisper; "I'm sorry."

 

Confused, Pike let his head fall back against the pillow. "About what?"

 

"This," Henry sighed again, striding to the foot of the hideaway; "I... I shouldn't have nagged you into staying."

 

"You didn't."

 

"No, I did... I always ask and I always hope that eventually something is going to change and you're going to say 'yes' and suddenly everything is going to change."

 

Pike sat up as the springs squealed with Henry's weight being added to the frame. It took a moment, but eventually the words came; "Do you want things to change?"

 

"No!" he replied, the defensive whine creeping into his voice; "No, I mean... sure maybe this isn't what I’m used to, but what am I used to? I've never done anything like this before - I mean, sure I waited for..." he paused short of saying the name, but they both knew it was there - he waited for Dean. "But this is new. It's slow and it's kind of like being back in high school again where all I want to do is ask the guy I like to go to prom but I can't because it's not like that and it's never going to be like that."

 

Pike's brow creased and the edges his lips moved like he had something to say but he didn't really know what to make of it. Clearly, Henry was upset. When his lover groaned low and loud, resting his elbows on his knees with his head in his palms, Pike managed; "You're not happy."

 

"No, no... no." Henry sighed, the barest hint of lingering doubt clear in his voice. "I'm happy. It's just really weird for me."

 

"So, you do want things to change."

 

Henry sat up slowly and tugged his robe tighter around his shoulders. In a resigned tone he answered; "I want you."

 

All of you.

 

Pike was silent, lowering his eyes when Henry got up and walked toward the bedroom without another word, his uneasy gait saying all that needed to be said. He wanted to be stopped.

 

Pike didn't stop him. He watched him disappear into the bedroom - leaving door open as he said he would - and then lay down on the thin mattress and listened to the rustle of sheets and slow rise and fall of his own breathing between ticks of the grandfather clock in the hall.

 

When he closed his eyes, he could see the bed he'd shied away from on the rare occasions he'd been in Henry's room - retrieving a pair of socks or escorting him bed in the small hours of the morning when he'd stayed late or sometimes when he came early. He could see Henry curled up, and could almost hear the worries coursing through his mind... the questions Pike knew were there. The frustrations.

 

It wasn't that he didn't want to, but just like finding the words... any words... the thought of stepping outside his comfortable little world made his stomach curl and pulse race until all he could think about was getting away. He loved Henry, trusted him completely... but some things were simply too difficult.

 

From the bedroom, Henry's voice sounded small and worried when he asked; "If your parents like me, do you think it'll help?"

 

It took a moment to register what he meant, but it was enough to draw a slight chuckle and smile at the thought. "They love you," he replied confidently, opening his eyes to stare at the empty doorway.

 

"Oh."

 

After another drawn out silence, Pike forced himself out of bed and to Henry's bedroom where he stood against the doorframe and watched Henry as he lay curled on his side with his back to the door. Finding his voice, he said; "I love you too."

 

Henry rolled toward him, a genuinely surprised look crossing his face before being replaced with one of admiration; "I know. Love you too."

 

Pike moved to shove his hands in pockets that weren’t there and ended up only rubbing his palms over his hips before awkwardly running them through his hair. "It's not... because I don't, I mean.... I don't want you to think this is because of you."

 

"I know..." Henry replied quickly, "I don't, I'm just... being stupid."

 

"You're not." Pike stepped closer, his bare feet sliding audibly against the floor. "I'm..." his throat closed again, and his stomach felt like heavy stone, but he forced out; "I'm scared."

 

It was easy for Henry to reply; "Don't be." But, even he had to know that it wouldn't help. Watching Pike come closer to the bed like a knight approaching the dragon, he added; "I'll wait until you're ready."

 

Pike stopped short of his bedside, letting his fingers touch the edge of the comforter as though he almost expected it to burn them. "You shouldn't have to."

 

"It's not a 'have to' thing... I knew what I was getting into when we started this and I'm not going to push you into something you don't want to do."

 

"I never said I didn't want to." Pike's eyebrows lifted and he shook his head, feeling a warm flush across his cheeks.

 

Henry smiled, and then rolled again to watch Pike follow the edge of his blanket around the end of the bed and toward the empty side he'd been saving for months. "You want to?" he asked cautiously, trying not to inflect one way or the other the excitement at the thought. There was a spark... something, at least.

 

Pike nodded emphatically, at least as emphatically as Henry had ever seen him nod.

 

It was enough, at least in Henry's mind. There was still a chance that it would happen eventually. He waited until Pike stopped and pulled back the blanket to say; "You don't have to do this."

 

"I know," he replied quietly, closing his eyes as he pushed himself into Henry's bed - the knot in his stomach twisting as his hands clenched tighter on the covers to hide a nervous tremor. "I need to."

 

Henry sighed again, falling onto his back against the pillow. "No," he groaned, "I can't do this. I can't have you in my bed because you feel like it's something you 'need to' do. I want you to want to do this... it's not right if you don't."

 

"Henry," Pike said firmly, rolling onto his side to slide his hand between Henry's warm chest and the blanket; "stop."

 

"Why?" He whispered, frowning deeply as he looked into Pike's dark eyes barely lit by the waning winter moon. "I don't want this to be a mistake."

 

"It's not."

 

Despite the firm press of Pike's hand and his secure voice, Henry was certain it wasn't supposed to happen like that. People didn't just badger each other into bed and have it go well. Still, he let his own hand find his partner's and traced his thick knuckles. "Not yet..."

 

"Not ever," Pike murmured against Henry's ear, following it with a brush of his face against Henry's cheek. “I don't want you to wait."

 

"And I don't want to push you."

 

"If you didn't I wouldn't be here... you'd be in New York."

 

The thought stilled Henry, had he pushed? He didn't mean to push, and really everyone else in town was just as guilty of it as he was. "I belong here with you."

 

"Yeah?" Pike asked, squaring his jaw before saying more boldly; "You do."

 

"Right," Henry's smile stretched and he slowly pushed himself against Pike's solid chest, adjusting to the warm presence. It'd been a long time since someone else had been in his bed and just knowing that it was Pike, smelling his woody aftershave and feeling the tickle of long hair against his cheek, was more than he had even hoped for. "I'm yours."

 

"Mmm, mine." Pike agreed with a whisper against his ear, let his palm gently stroke over the thin cotton of Henry's t-shirt. The sensation was soothing, nuzzling against Henry's cheek and feeling him respond with a gentle push of a shoulder against his chest, and slowly the knot in his belly began to unfurl and warm until he felt comfortable in the spot.

 

His spot.

 

Henry drifted easily, nearly asleep when he felt the brush of lips against his ear kissing down to the corner of his mouth as the warmth against his side shifted away. He was mostly aware of Pike over him - crouched on all fours and dwarfing him in the bed - when he opened his eyes again. "Pike?"

 

"Show me..." he said, swallowing a lump in his throat. "Show me how."

 

"What?" He asked, still confused and drowsy until Pike's hand pushed up his shirt and traced over his belly toward his chest. "What... what're you doing?"

 

"I... don't know..." Pike admitted, licking his lips; "I've never..."

 

"Never?" Henry whispered, brows furrowed and then suddenly wide-eyed when the realization hit. "You mean..."

 

"Not with anyone."

 

"But we're..."

 

Pike pushed down against Henry's chest and then sat back on his haunches to peel off his own t-shirt. "Doing this now."

 

"Right now?"

 

"Yes."

 

Henry blinked several times and then nodded, pushing up on one arm and letting Pike help his shirt off with a somewhat awkward laugh. "Uh... okay..." Pike seemed determined and if he wanted to, Henry wasn't about to stop him. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

 

"What... men do... together." He stumbled again, trying to find the words for the sort of thing he'd only seen in videos but surely Henry had done before - he'd assumed a lot of times before. "What do you like to do?"

 

"You've really... never?" Henry asked, smiling lopsidedly when Pike shook his head in response; "Not even with a woman?" He'd always sort of assumed there had to have been someone... maybe a girlfriend or a fling.

 

"Nobody felt right." Another uneasy knot began to tighten, and Pike lowered his head - closing his eyes only to open them when Henry pushed up closer and kissed him, guiding him back down until Henry's head was on the pillow again and Pike was once more focused on his sweet smile.

 

"Don't think about it," Henry murmured, brushing another gentle kiss across his lips, "just do what feels right."

 

Everything felt right, Henry’s hands on his back and the warm caress of Henry’s mouth on his shoulder and then on his neck. “Okay…” he said quietly, lowering his head when his partner’s hands found the edge of his t-shirt and pushed gently to coax him in close enough to have the barrier of cotton against cotton the only thing between them.

 

Henry whispered; “Relax… tell me if you need me to stop.”

 

“Don’t stop,” he replied quickly, “please.”

 

Henry nodded against his shoulder, and then kissed the side of his neck. With only tenderness in his voice, he replied; "Okay."

 

Slow, naturally, Pike let himself be led. When Henry lifted his hips against him he pushed back, meeting each gentle thrust until he could feel the hard dig of Henry's manhood against him through their shorts. "Don't stop..." he echoed, with a low groan.

 

Sure, maybe it was a little reminiscent of his early fumblings, but stopping was the furthest thing from Henry's mind. "It's good?"

 

"Mmm-hmm..." Pike nodded, eyes closed as he pushed himself a little faster - feeling one of Henry's hands slide from his back down to the warm junction between them and push at the slit in his shorts.

 

Warm skin met warm skin and the soft squeak of Henry's bed mingled with deep sighs and encouraging whispers of pleasure. They moved faster, digging frantically against each other and then Henry's hands plowed up under Pike's thick hair and pulled him down - letting out a stifled moan against his mouth as he tipped over the edge.

 

Eager passion and raw lust dripped away once more to soft kisses, Pike finally still and pushed up tight against Henry for a long moment as he caught his breath and let his mind catch up to what had just happened. "Did we..."

 

"Uh-huh..." Henry panted, grinning wide. Slowly, his grip slid down to gentle strokes of his fingers through the soft, dark strands. Pike's weight pushed down on him, pleasantly holding him between the bed's softness and the press of his lover's body relaxing. "We did."

 

A stillness settled between them, and after a long moment Pike rolled once more onto his back - staring up at the dark ceiling until Henry's fingers found his and squeezed gently. "Was I... okay?"

 

Henry squeezed again, tighter and longer than before. "You're amazing," he said with a hint of reservation or pause. "In every way."

 

Unexpectedly, Pike smiled - and then let the laugh take him, chuckling low in his throat until he had to roll onto his side and bury his face against Henry's cheek to make it subside.

 

"See, it's not so bad..." Henry teased, turning his head to press small kisses against his cheek and ear. "Maybe next time we'll get real crazy and use our hands. You know... if you want a next time."

 

Pike paused, considering the half-question. He answered; "I think..." he squeezed Henry's hand hard, "I'd like that a lot."


End file.
